Friday has been my hardest day so far. All I wanted to do was sleep. I made myself get up. My friend Rachel came over and took me to the new Walgreens in town. I wasn't too bad until the dreaded driving to work. I cried lots on the way to work. I wasn't sure how my shift was going to go. Luckily nobody there new what was going on inside me. I was ok until a guy came in that happens to have family in Oakley and had heard the news. He asked if it was my mom, and then he wanted to get all personal about what happened. He lost his dad about a year ago and he wanted to be a friend and help and talk, but I couldn't talk about it and try to focus on my work and try keep it together so I had to keep avoiding the poor guy. Hopefully he will forgive me for that. Finally after work, it was like it all had to come out. Even after getting home it just kept coming out (the crying). Why do I feel silly admitting this. It is just hard to put words on how it just overcomes you. When I woke up Saturday morning, it was like this fog hung over me. I just wanted to sleep. My mouth didn't want to talk unless it was to family (I know this sounds weird), and I didn't even want to eat. This has never happened to me. A package of skittles sat on my front seat in my car and I didn't even want them (now that is so not like me). I got through all of the kids' games and running around. I had to go to work. It took everything in me to get excited about going. Once I got there and I ate something and got in the groove of things, it was like this fog just lifted off me. I am guessing that this might happen again and that I shouldn't feel silly or wierd about feeling this way. I am hoping this is a normal occurance in the grieving process. On a better note, today I feel good and have had the chance to spend some quality time with my kids with very few interruptions.
-writing my feelings down has really helped me deal with this. I know that some of it is private stuff but I really thing it is helping me deal with my feelings.
